Problem anger shows up as…
- Road rage
- Domestic violence
- Child abuse
- Chronic illness
- Workplace violence or job loss
My Background in This Work
I have worked with hundreds of clients who had difficulty managing their anger and who were mandated by courts to get therapy. Please know that I’m not interested in shaming or blaming my clients. I am interested in helping my clients have better relationships, more choices, and better skills and results in their lives.
Your Contribution to the Process
At the same time, the approach I take works best when you have a desire to change, a willingness to do a little homework, the ability to be honest in therapy, and some curiosity to try new ways of behaving. If this sounds like you, I hope you’ll keep reading.
Getting Beyond Anger
Anger isn’t just an emotion. It’s also a set of behaviors that we use in order to solve problems or get what we want. We wish something were different or we need something to change (“Why won’t she just listen?”; “My boss isn’t being fair!”; “My son is going to get hurt if he keeps getting in trouble.”; etc.)
Sadly, when those angry behaviors become the main tool we keep using to get change or solve problems, anger becomes a dangerous habit. We know things have gotten out of hand when our lives and relationships suffer.
Why Typical Solutions Don’t Work
The usual ways we’ve been taught to handle anger don’t work well: we either try to ignore our angry feelings—which can lead to a “powder keg” situation; or, we express the anger in some way which we hope isn’t too aggressive, maybe trying to talk about it.
But even this talking can lead to problems. Anger isn’t like steam that you need to let out a little at a time. It’s an emotion that, like all other emotions, when you express it or act it out, you tend to feed it.
Think about it…does laughing decrease your desire to laugh? Does behaving lovingly decrease your desire to love? Does acting afraid lessen fear? In fact, you’ll probably agree, the opposite is true. Expressing our feelings tends to increase those feelings we’re expressing. The more we express them, the more we feel them.
Another Way to Break the Anger Habit
I ask clients to think more about what they are trying to accomplish. I help them learn to slow down, to watch and identify the issues or problems they are trying to control each time they get angry. I teach them to master their anger by using their intelligence and strengths to find better ways to solve their problems and get their needs met.
Step by step, you will learn how to better watch and manage your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and to use your intelligence and sensitivity to solve problems. In the process I hope you will find strength, calm, and freedom.
If this appeals to you, I hope you’ll consider working with me to solve your anger habit.
Call Me for a Free Consultation
I offer individual and group options and my rates are very competitive with therapists in my area. Schedule a free consultation with me at (805) 728-7288, or contact me via this website. My office at Main Street Counseling Group is in Ventura, Calif., and you can learn more about me on this website.